Saying Goodbye to our Brestfeeding Days

November 14th marked the last day that I breastfed my son. Ending our journey was harder than I thought it would be and I didn't feel emotional about it until two days later when I realized it really was over. I am beyond happy that I was able to not only meet my goal of 12 months but I also made it 2 extra months. I did it! I made it through one of the toughest thing Mother's have to go through in life and here I am at the finish line. But why am I so sad?

Past me VS. Mom Me

Before my son came along, I had this ideal conception of the mother I was going to become. I had no idea what was in store for me. 

Morning Surprise

Sometimes in the mornings before Kambryn and I officially make our way into the living room, I like to set up a little surprise with his toys. I try to make it different each time that I do this for him so that it feels like something new to him. I don’t do this every morning because for one, some mornings aren’t always the smoothest, and secondly because it takes away the surprise factor.

Fighting against instincts

I had a moment today where I had to stop myself from running over towards my son, sweep him up into my arms, and prevent him from getting into something that I thought he wasn't suppose to. But I stopped myself. What was wrong with him exploring? Why was my first reaction to stop his inquisitiveness? What would that be teaching him? I didn’t like my reaction so I simply stopped in my tracks and instead I watched him closely.

Capturing Memories

“Just as pieces stitched together in a quilt warm our bodies, scrapbooks bind together memories to warm our hearts.”

Frightful Motherhood (Happy Halloween)

 

If I could go back in time and talk to the woman I used to be before I became "Mom", I would warn myself that sometimes being a mother can be extremely hard, harder than I would ever even imagine.

Random act of Kindness

I think that it is sad that most people fear the world these days. I am more fearful than ever now as a mother. When I go places on my own with my son in my arms, I hold him tight and can feel my eyes scanning the people and places around us. It’s my worst fear that someone takes him from me. And as a mother it is my job to protect him. And it scares the hell out of me.

I noticed something the other day, something we don’t get to see much in today’s world.

My son and I went to Wendy's for a mother and son lunch date. Being on my own with my son causes my anxiety to go crazy and I become very nervous no matter what the task is. Needless to say, I was already on edge when I noticed a man starring towards Kambryn and I.

Kambryn's eye locked in on the strangers and no matter how hard I tried to get him to pay attention to me, his curiosity took the best of him. I wasn't sure what it was about this man but Kambryn watched him closely and the man would wave and say "Hello." Of course, any strange person trying to talk to my son sends alerts to my brain.

My first instinct was the judge this person because he was a strange man in his late 40's, eating by himself, and trying to talk to my one year old. I didn't want to be a judgemental person but society has made me this way. So as I was getting anxious and was more than ready to just get up and leave the restaurant, the man smiled at me as I made eye contact with him, and said, "I can tell that your son is going to be very smart. He is watching me very closely and has those bright blue intelligent eyes."

His voice and kind smile through me off for a moment. I wasn't sure what to respond back to his remark so I decided to return his smile and try to feel Kambryn his food. The man kept his eyes lock on mine and added, "I can tell that you are a great mom. Your doing a wonderful job."

And that's all it took. That first judgement I had about this man slightly changed with that kind comment. My smile was genuine as I told the man Thank you. He then began to tell me about his two children, one who was in foot ball and the man seemed extremely proud about. He was a proud father who was just trying to have a nice conversation. And I have to add that his comment made my whole day. I must be doing something right as a mother if a complete stranger notices my parenting skills in a positive way.

I started to feel guilty for being so stand offish and for being scared of him. I knew I had to of gave him an awful look and yet he still showed me kindness. I just hate that the world had became what it has today. That mothers, women, children, or anyone really,  has to be wary of everything around them because evilness larks in the darkness. I really despise it.

It is nice to see an random act of kindness and it fills my heart with hope that maybe, just maybe, this world can still change. I made a promise to myself, to make sure that I raise my son right. That he be that kindness that this world needs. It’s all up to us as parents to raise the next generation the right way. That is my hope for this world.

xoxo,
India